I’m bored.
I’m hungry.
I’m tired.
I’m confused.

I’m lost. 

Happy 2 year anniversary to meeee…. 

Better late than never, eh?

In four days, it will be my 2 year anniversary with my b/f.
*Um….that’s a big deal to me. I don’t normally commit to anything except what I’m going to eat for the entire day. And, to be perfectly honest, I never thought I would find what I was looking or hoping for. Maybe this is it. I hope a lot. :)

In four hours, I will be starting Day One of P90X.
*Like I said…. I don’t normally commit to things. This is about a lifestyle change for me. A HUGE one. I gained maybe 40 lbs since I first started being with my b/f. It truly makes you sad when you see the scale hit over 200. It’s scary. But I have the motivation and the time to do SOMETHING about it…. so I am.

In four weeks, this semester of school will almost be over.
*What a long freakin semester this has been…. now I just have to make sure I pass the State Math test and I’m all set. :/  Although, I have to say…. I am excited for every bit of school that I get to experience, because I know I’m lucky and blessed to have been able to experience it at all.

I don’t know when my head will explode from living with my boyfriends’ parents, but I know it’s going to be soon. I already feel like I’ve overstepped unknown boundaries and overstayed my welcome. Soooo I am avidly searching for an apartment that is not plagued by bugs and ghetto people. Welcome to Kissimmee.

Oh…. and…. today I talked to my mom, which was great! She’s retiring from teaching this coming December! And I also talked to my dad…. which was relieving to say the least. This is the best my relationship with my parents has ever been. How nice it is to finally feel loved on all sides. It is blissful to say the least.

I have new goals…. like finding better friends or rekindling the passion and fun of old ones. But that, I have to admit, is a challenge for a girl with a minimum wage job, no car, and no set place to live.

I am in QUITE the pickle right now. But that’s ok with me.

Some people have referred to the gov’t and the Dept of Children and Families as “the system”, for lack of a better term as it seems to suit it so well. “The system” consists of lawyers and courtrooms, private offices and well-dressed social workers, neglected and deprived little children. I was one of those children.

I have been a part of “the system”. Instead of being an aborted baby, my mother chose to spare me and attempt to give me a better life than she could give me…. with another family. I am not alone, but I can’t help reflecting on this bit of my life at the moment. I see so many posts about abortion and pro-lifers and shit that just makes me shake my head. If you knew what it was like to be saved from death before life began, would you think differently? I do not support either side, per say, of pro-abortion or pro-life. I am positively pro-choice.

By pro-choice, I mean people get to choose what they do with their own lives, BUT…. if in the case they are not of strong mind and will to do the “right thing”, they need help deciding from people who are not for or against the situation. This excludes ALL family members from the conversation. Family is automatically biased. So you talk to people who only offer advice, not people who make the decision for you.

But another point…. if you have the nerve to fuck around mindlessly and without the protection that was made for you in the first place, are you prepared for the possible consequences of those actions/that act? Think for a moment. A young girl has sex unprotected and ultimately gets pregnant. Her parents are barely around, and won’t help her raise the baby. She’s in the middle of high school, and will most likely not finish. The boy she had relations with now wants nothing to do with her…. she’s not “pure” anymore. So the girl has a decision: allow a child to grow and face the possible harshness of poverty…. abort the baby…. or allow it to live with others more fortunate so that that child may have a better future than her own. But can we choose for her? NO. No, No, NO.

Who are we to say what is right and what is wrong? Because we follow religion or we are against it. Because we are wiser and more dominant. There is no excuse. You cannot take someone’s rights away from them. They always have the choice to do what they will, when they will, with who they will, and however they will. It is an abomination to force yourself into a situation you need never have bothered with in the first place. If a man can choose who he sleeps with and how MANY he sleeps with, a woman can choose as well…. and with every other aspect of her life. Will it be right? Could it be wrong? Who are we to decide?

I was adopted at the age of 3. I lived with my foster parents [who became my adopted parents] and three other siblings. I had the privilege and the honor…. and even the blessing of growing up with my biological sister. Not everyone has that sort of beautiful opportunity. I am blessed to know that I could be dead right now, diseased, or even an addict of any kind of drug. The prostitute/drug addict/thief I had for a biological mother could not maintain any sort of stability for my sister and I, so we were given away.

And with no bitterness whatsoever towards anyone involved in the process, I can honestly say, I am much better off where I am now.

Life has been so good to me. I can only hope that when people make their choices, they think only for the better of the situation they are in. You only live once, right?

Desperate times call for desperate measures. But I’m not that desperate.

I’m so happy to have time to write while I take my wicked grumpy at work. It’s refreshing to know I can take a break every now and again. -.-

And this may be racist but since I’m white I don’t think it counts…. but why can’t I ever (and I do mean EVER) just get a tan without being severely burned by the sun first? I see all these easily tanned bodies and I wonder if it takes an hour out of their life or loads of hours.

Anywho, back to my office which is the kitchen….

When someone has something to hide, they are overly obvious about it…. and when they have nothing to hide, they are the most carefree individual they have ever been.

Honestly I just want to fuckin punch something.

Not gonna lie, I am in love with my new laptop.

I seriously am debating running away with it.

In other news…. spring cleaning is NOW and I’m in the middle of doing nothing at the time…. but I’ll be home soon to get started….

What do you think about yard sales? My little apt community is having one this Saturday [I actually took a day off for this] and I’m a little iffy about having my awesome stuff outside near all my neighbors. I don’t trust them…. No one ever trusts their nosy neighbors….